A Face In the Crowd

Borrow’s blog is going to cover three categories: running a business, design inspiration, style and events, and the reality of being a wife, mother, and boss.

This last category scares the shit out of me. The past five years have been hard. I’ve had some serious mental struggles. There have been times when I lost confidence in myself. And while things have improved tremendously over the past year, I’ll never be the person I was before I started the business and became a mom. And that’s not bad. I’m a fuller person today because of the ups and downs of this journey.

So why share this in my blog? If Borrow’s blog focused only on business ownership tips and design inspiration, it wouldn’t be a true representation of my life and the history of Borrow.  It also couldn’t connect with people on a level I want it to- which is my intention with the Blog.  The fact of the matter is sometimes I hit a huge business milestone on the same day I get into a big fight with my husband. If I’m sharing ONLY the highs, I’m not being honest.  Vulnerable honesty is a practice I’d love to get better at because I know it’s what will allow me to connect and live a more whole hearted life.

By putting vulnerable moments out there, I hope this blog can serve as a resource to help other people and to help myself. I could not tell you where I’d be without being able to identify with people that have gone through similar struggles. Recognizing that I’m not alone has helped me persevere during the hard times.

So today I’ll just start with one small confession: I love going to cycling classes in a dark studio because I cry on the bike. In the dark room I can let go. I feel open and vulnerable which makes me cry. My ultimate fears come to the surface. I worry about whether I am worthy of love. I push myself and tell myself I can do it, but I’m scared that I really can’t.

But then I do it. I find my strength. I sweat with the other faces in the damp black room. I feel better and hope lives on. I go home and I kiss my babies. I feel like a line from a favorite poem, In A Station of the Metro by Ezra Pound. “The apparition of these faces in the crowd; Petals on a wet black bough.”

Emily Millay Photography

Brené Brown: The power of vulnerability | TED Talk.  “Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead”

Tim Farris:  80 20 Analysis.  ** I also used a technique learned from Tim Farris Podcasts that he speaks about in multiple podcasts.  It is the act of taking a feeling and stripping it back further and further by asking why to each feeling to uncover the true stress point.